The outside hadn’t changed since it had been built, apart from the occasional lick of paint to brighten it up. It had had many owners, all with grand ideas about the inside and what type of pub it should be, but it always came back to what most people in town thought: an old-fashioned town centre place to get a drink. The main doors were set to one side, wooden with small opaque glass panels. The bay windows, two of them, looking out onto the market square. It was difficult to know whether they had been put in so no-one could see in or out, or whether they had just never been washed and had become so dirty that they couldn’t be seen through. The name was attached to the front in large metal letters – the ones that were still there, that is. The ‘a’ and ‘o’ were missing, as was part of the ‘k’. It always amazed me how busy it got, especially early on weekend nights. It was as though all the groups of drinkers set off from there.
The door opened and a group of girls left. Smoke billowed out into the night air, along with the sounds of Friday night: laughter, joking, male banter and female conversation. Music was coming from a jukebox, loud and rhythmic, making everyone raise their voices to be heard. The door slammed shut behind the girls, bringing a strange quietness back to the square. The sight and smell of the smoke wasn’t to Mike’s liking. “It’s about time they banned smoking!” he complained, coughing for emphasis.
“Is that just in there or generally?” I asked, pointing to the doors of the pub.
“Talking about smoking,” Tom boasted, “you should have seen me with that lass last weekend. Non-stop. Sheets nearly caught fire.” Tom, tall, dark, and handsome, could have charmed the pants off any woman, or so he thought. He talked about it, a lot, and to the ladies, a little, but never seemed to get lucky. He went home alone most Friday nights.
“Yeah, I’m sure they did. Well, until you woke up,” Billy teased.
“Oi, cheeky bastard! At least I can get a lass,” Tom said defensively.
“Oh, that’s what you call ’em, is it? I’ve got another name for ‘em…” Billy continued.
Tom jumped at him, grabbing his neck playfully, trying to wrestle him to the ground. A rough voice came from one of the two large, ape-like doormen standing at the entrance. “You two stop that right now, or we’ll not let you in.”
“Sorry, mate,” they said together.
One of the apes opened the door for us, and once again we were met by the loudness of the music, making conversation almost impossible.
“Well, if it’s not smoke pollution, it’s noise pollution,” Jamie complained.
“It’s not often he says much, but when he does, it’s always summat miserable,” Tom said.
“I only speak as I think,” Jamie said.
“Bloody hell. He’s started thinking now. This could be very scary,” Billy added.
Everybody laughed. Jamie just shook his head, smiled, and walked towards the bar.
“Well, I suppose it’ll be my round, but none of you’ll want a drink from a miserable git like me?” Jamie said.
“No, when it comes to drinks, we’ll get ‘em from anybody!” Tom said, which was followed with a big cheer from the rest of us.
Inside, the pub was a big, bright open space with the bar at the far end. To the right of the bar was a passageway to the toilets. Just inside the main doors were gaming machines, mostly fruit machines where people put money in hoping to get more out, or at least enough to pay for their night out, which rarely happened. Next to these were the new video games that had become part of pub culture since the late nineteen seventies and into the eighties, with games such as Space Invaders, Galaxian and Pac-Man becoming very popular.
Tom and Billy were, we thought, addicted to them, especially the fruit machines. As soon as we went in, they made their way across, leaving Jamie, Mick, and myself to go and get the drinks. Luckily, at this time of the evening there wasn’t a big queue, and we were able to get served quickly. Jamie took drinks to Billy and Tom, then joined me and Mick near the main doors, where there was a ledge on which we could put our drinks.
“I don’t know why they bother,” Mick said. “They never win ‘owt, just a waste of money. Never catch me wasting good beer money in them!”
For once, we agreed with him. Looking all saintly, we turned towards the money wasters just in time to hear, then see, the winnings pouring out.
“Bloody ‘ell, the lucky bastards,” Mick moaned.
“You three miserable bleeders look at this,” Tom shouted at us, gloating. “Nearly got the jackpot, four pounds from this machine and three pounds from the one next to it. That’ll go a long way to paying for my night out. Might even have a sausage with my chips and gravy later.”
“Pity it’s all in pound coins,” Mick said. “How’re you going to carry that round the town? You’ll be all lopsided, walking to one side with a limp.”
“It’s alright. Nobody’ll notice. He’s always had a funny walk!” Jamie added.
“You’re just jealous,” Tom replied. “Anyway, you’ll all be wanting change later, so you may as well let me change some of your notes now.”
“No chance,” Mick said. “I don’t know why they had to get rid of pound notes. It was never a problem with them in your pocket. Come on, let’s go.” We finished our drinks and left the empty glasses on the ledge. It was a great feeling when the doors opened and the cooling night air met us. Outside, the town square was fuller than when we’d gone in; more groups of lads like us, but now more lasses and, as always, the couples, the ones I noticed the most.
From the Black Lion, it was just a short walk back across the town square and past the dirtiest, smelliest underground public toilets in the country to the Penny Farthing, one of the oldest and most popular pubs in the town. It was at the end of the street which had the most bars, with the best nightclubs in town at the far end. I say best; there were only three, and one of those people only went to if they didn’t get in either of the other two, which rarely happened! For some reason, when I came out, it always fell to me to get the drinks in there, a point which Tom was quick to remind me of.
“Mattie, as you’re back out with us, we thought it right and proper that you got the drinks in your pub,” he said.
“What do you mean, my pub? It’s only because you lot are too tight to buy them in here, so you get a mug like me to do it,” I ranted.
“Calling us tight,” Billy said, “when you’re the one who’s not been coming out, probably saved a fortune. Bound to have more money than the rest of us.”
“How can a poor student like me have the most money?” I argued.
“Oohh! Touched a nerve there, didn’t we?” Tom said.
“It’s not that,” I said, “but what annoys me is, you all know it’s the dearest pub in town but none of you ever offer to get ‘em in for a change. Who’s been getting them when I’ve not been here?” I asked.
“Don’t tell him we haven’t been coming in,” Tom said.
“Just open the doors and get in,” I said. “You can do something useful, like making a path to the bar. You know it’s always packed in here, and that’s another reason you always send me. Smallest, quietest and poorest and I get to buy drinks in the busiest and dearest.”
“Mattie, calm down. Anyway, we won’t have any bother tonight,” Mick said.
“Why not?” Jamie asked.
“Once they smell Mattie’s new aftershave, everybody will leave quickly. Then we won’t have a problem getting served,” Mick answered, a smile spreading across his face.
“No, they’ll just bar us for having smelly mates,” added Billy.
“What is it, pick on Mattie night? Missed me that much, have you? At least I take care of my appearance and hygiene, and use proper smellies,” I said, trying to defend myself.
“You’re certainly right about being proper smelly,” Billy said. He burst out laughing.
“It’s time you spent some money on proper soap and got a good wash before you came out,” Jamie joined in. “Anyway, these two said you didn’t make an effort to get ready,” he added, pointing at Mick and Billy.
“Come on, leave him and his after shave alone,” Mick stepped in to save me. “Just let him get the drinks.” It was the drinks he was more interested in.
“Are you going to the quiz machine, or coming to help?” I asked Tom and Billy, already knowing the answer.
“Daft question,” Tom said, as they turned and walked towards the games machines, pushing their way through the small crowd that had started to gather at the bar.
The bar was close to the doors, a wide-open space to the short, brightly lit side. That was also where the games machines were, so that was where we stood, watching Tom and Billy play. The longer side of the bar got darker the further you went into it. It also had comfortable seats and no standing area. We liked to stand.
I hated trying to get served in there. I’m not the tallest of people, but equally, I’m not easily missed, I am in here. As soon as I got to the bar, I seemed to turn invisible. Bar workers walked past without seeing or hearing me. After jumping, shouting, and waving money about, I eventually got served, and then, I noticed, only because somebody had told the barmaid it was my turn. I looked round to see who it was, expecting it to be one of my thirsty friends.
No. What a surprise. It was a really attractive girl. And what a smile. A teasing twinkle in her eyes. Appealing. Enthralling. Drawing me in. Totally hooked! I knew what I wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come out. Dared I try to talk to her? Definitely not!
“Thanks a lot. I thought I’d gone invisible,” I eventually stuttered.
“Did somebody say something?” she asked, giggling, her hand at her mouth.
Someone with a sense of humour, the looks to go with it, and, unbelievably, talking to me. I must have been dreaming! This usually only happened to Billy and Tom.
“Kind, polite, beautiful, and a sense of humour; it must be my lucky day!” I said, immediately regretting it. It sounded cheap, and as though I was only after one thing.
“Yep, all of those and a boyfriend who I’m meeting later on.”
Despair. Disaster. My heart dropping to my shoes. But why should it? I was trying to forget, or was it make up, with someone. Now I was confused.
“Aye, that’s about right. Never mind; you might get fed up with him sometime,” I said.
“It might be sooner than you think! Anyway, my name’s Rosie, and I think your mates are trying to tell you something. Well, the one that is still standing. See ya.” A nod to where the others were standing, half a twirl and she was gone. I was sure I’d caught a wink in her eye. Or was it just the lights, or something I’d wanted to see?
“What? Eh, oh yeah, see ya.” I quickly turned round to find three of them lying on the floor rolling round, the other one standing holding his throat. The bouncer was looking at them, trying to work out was going on. So was I. Who was the most confused, me or him? Both, in different ways.
Tom started it. “Mattie, it’s taking you so long we thought we’d have to crawl through the desert to get another drink.”
“When will I see another drink?” Billy continued it. “Is this my life flashing before my eyes? Will I see another day? Help, aarrrgghh,” he said while pretending to swim across the floor.
“Oi, you lot! Get up and stop pratting about, stupid bleeders,” came the rough voice of the bouncer near the door.
“Oohh! Sorry, mate,” Billy said.
As they got up and knocked the dust off themselves, I turned back to the girl – Rosie, she’d said her name was – hoping to continue our conversation, but as usual, it was too late; she had gone. I hadn’t even got chance to tell her my name. Typical.
I looked round trying to find her. She was sitting with a group of girls at the other end of the pub. It was difficult to see them in the gloomy light, but I was sure she gave me a sly nod while raising her glass. But if she had, and she liked me, was it worth it? I hadn’t really got over the last one and the trouble that had caused me. And was it really over? It appeared Tina wanted us to get back together. Oh, and there was the small matter of the boyfriend that this Rosie already had. But she had hinted that it might not be lasting much longer. She was attractive, and funny. Matthew, leave it. All these thoughts and emotions after the briefest of meetings.
“Oi! Do you want these drinks or not?” came a voice from behind the bar.
“Uh, oh yeah,” I stammered a reply, then turned to my daft mates. “Thanks a lot. I was enjoying talking to her. Gorgeous, she was. And she had more brain cells in her little fingernail than you lot have together.” I hid my real thoughts.
“Ahh poor old Mattie,” Jamie said. “Never mind, it’s still early in the night. You might see her again…or Tina.”
Silence. The others knew Jamie had probably gone too far. “Sorry, mate. Went too far there,” he was quick to realise, and apologise, as always.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get over it,” I said.
* * *
“Yes, but you didn’t, did you?” Rosie interrupts again.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“From what I heard afterwards from your friends, you spent most of the night moping around, face as long as a wet weekend. Mick told me. Well, until you saw me again,” Rosie explains.
“He always did exaggerate, and you know he still does. Don’t start winding me up just like they did back then,” I say. “Anyway, why did you start talking to me at the bar?” I ask.
“You bloody well know.”
“Yes, I do, and you can tell me once more. I’m telling the story again and putting up with your interruptions. Come on,” I complain, probably sounding more annoyed than I am, or intend.
“Alright then, Mr Grumpy. It was that you looked so sad and lonely,” she says. “At first, I thought you were in the pub by yourself. Then I saw your potty mates behind you messing about. It was obvious you were with them. They kept pointing at you, then holding their throats, until one of them dropped onto the floor.
“They could be a bit daft at times,” I defend them.
“Daft! They were bloody stupid. Still are. First impressions, eh? I did realise later that they were – are – actually good friends,” Rosie says.
“You soon disappeared off to your friends,” I say.
“I wasn’t going to let them get thirsty. I cared about my friends. Anyway, I kept a sneaky eye on you while you were in the pub.”
“Cheek! I remember you weren’t as kind as I thought,” I say.
“Explain yourself,” she demands.
“You made sure you got your drinks before you told the barmaid to serve me. A kind person would have let me go first.”
“But of course I was going to get my drinks first. You have to look after your own first. You would have done the same.”
“Definitely, especially in there. I could never get served quickly. The first chance I had I would have taken it, no messing,” I agree with Rosie.
“Ever the gentleman.”
“Everywhere except in the Penny Farthing,” I say.
“Who are you trying to kid? Aren’t now and weren’t then,” She teases, that twinkle still there no matter how poorly she’s feeling.
“You can be really hurtful when you want to be,” I say sadly.
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with the story,” Rosie says.
“Anything for Her Ladyship. Remember, it was you who interrupted,” I say.
“Yeah, and I probably will do again,” she says. “You were about to leave the pub and go to the next one.
“I know where I’m up to, thank you very much.”
* * *
Man on a bike. 